6 WAYS TO EASE-back-to-school Anxiety In YOUR CHILD

Often with transitions comes anxiety and worry.  It’s normal for a child to feel worried about going back to school.  Questions may sound like this: What if my teacher doesn’t like me? What if I miss the bus? What if my friends don’t talk to me? What if I don’t know anyone at lunch? Who is my teacher? What if she’s mean? What if something happens to mom while I’m at school?
 
Extreme fear may lead to not wanting to go to school.  Avoidance of school only increases the anxiety and makes it harder for the child to attend.  When a child stays home from school it reinforces that there is something to be worried about. A child may even resort to throwing a tantrum in order to convince parents that staying home is a good idea.  It is very upsetting when a child or teen is having a tantrum. Parents often feel exhausted and helpless.  They wonder whether or not to send their child, thinking that tomorrow won’t be as bad. However, anxiety gets bigger when the child avoids school, so tomorrow will not be better.  It may actually be worse.
 
Here are several ways parents can help:

1) Do not dismiss the anxiety with words like, “There’s nothing to worry about” and “It’s not a big deal.”  Instead, empathize with your child, and acknowledge his concerns. “It sounds like you think you will have no one to sit with at lunch, that probably feel’s scary”.  When you acknowledge the emotional part of the situation it allows your child’s brain to begin to calm down. 

2) Help your child name the worry. Call it the “worry monster” or the “worry bug”. Explain that the worries are coming from the anxiety.  The “worry monster” is trying to trick him. The worry tries to get him to focus on the negative part of the situation, or make him feel that a bad thing is going to happen, or that he can read everyone’s mind.

3) Remember it is okay to worry. Everyone has worries the first day of school. Then, imagine all the other previous years’ first days of school, which were a success.  “Last year, I didn’t know who was in my lunch and I met 2 new friends”, and “I usually feel worried the first day of school and then it gets better.”
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4)Anxious feelings turn on your child’s biological alarm to fight, flee or freeze in a worry situation.  Therefore, teaching relaxation strategies are helpful.  An app for preteens and teens is called Mind Shift. The website stressfreekids.com is another resource for helping young children.

5) Practice. Talk about it. Don’t wait until the first day of school to start teaching your child how to help with worry. Ignoring it only feeds the “worry monster.” It is very important to help your child develop the skills to work through the worry. Teach kids how to boss back worry because it acts like a bully. "I am not going to listen to you worry you are just trying to trick me and keep me from having fun.”

6) Lastly, praise your child’s efforts.  It was hard for him to get through the situation, but he did it! Reward it with a big hug, favorite dessert, or just something special.

A partnership between parents and child is crucial to be successful in challenging worry.  We can’t “fix" when our children are worried, and rescuing them and avoiding the scary situation's only make worry take a stronger hold.  We need to listen to what they feel and work together with them on confronting their fears. ​